Over the years our church members have picked up on a few “Pastor Rench-isms.” Would you believe Pastor practically wrote this skit himself? Enjoy!
(See the unofficial transcript below the video…)
Hey brother! Hey sister!
Oooh! Shaking hands left-handed. That’s good! You know, we’re the last unrecognized minority in America!
We’re going to enjoy a good service… are you excited about church today?
Some nice folks out there. I just want to welcome all of our guests out there. If you want to fill out a guest card, please do so. If you hate our stinking guts, just circle no on there. It’s okay. We won’t bother you, we won’t harass you, we’ll just come by your house as often as possible.
Boy it’s good to see John… uh… um… Her… herh… BILL! Bill Herhold! It’s a wonderful shirt you have on there Bill – a nice blouse. Wendy has one just like it.
(I’m just about to shave.)
Good to see everyone. My daughter in the sound booth also has his pink blouse on.
Good to see all of our guests in here. Good to see Bro. Don Bulem…chompskin… this morning. Just an ugly guy… I think he had family in the area… no? Well… He works as… an engineer… no? Teacher? No… an ADMINISTRATOR! That’s it! We’re good friends! Good buddies! Oh he just got out of jail. That’s it! That’s the story!
Well, we’re going to have a good service, I’m just going to lead singing now… Amazing Grace!
Oh, I forgot the words… let me get there real fast.
Hang on… I’ve got a call on my Droid! Hello? Lowes?! My parts are in? Gr! What are they calling me for on a Sunday?! Those peckerwoods!
Well, I was going to have my good friend Raul, I mean Ruben pray for us, but we’ll just bypass that one today.
And I was going to have Ruth, I mean Rose, I mean Ruth, I mean Rose, I mean Ruth, I mean Rose… You know maybe they could just sing a duet.
Oh where’s my schedule (wrinkling schedule. Fixing pocket.)
Oh I just shaved! Doesn’t it make me look younger.
We’ve already sung, given announcements, prayed… offering!
No offertory ready, so I’ll just hum it for it. As we pass the offering plates *hum Amazing Grace.
Well let’s get to the preaching… where’s my microphone? Where is it? I know I do this every week but… hang on while I make a joke about the sound man. Ok we’re all set.
Let’s get my notes out here. I couldn’t find any yellow legal pads this afternoon. John 3:16, you all know that, right? I hope the Holy Spirit makes application.
As we go into our invitation let’s all bow our heads for a nice slow, thoughtful, reverent invitation song and I’ll lead. (fast) Search me…
I forgot the words! Maybe I sang it too fast… I don’t know.
Anyway… Man I’m thirsty! (coffee under pulpit) Never a dry moment. That’s good. Nice and strong. You could stick a fork in there and it would stand up.
Well I can’t read my schedule. It’s all mangled. Let me find a new one… Ryan why didn’t you print enough schedules?!
That’s about it. Let’s close this nice service with a friend you’ve all come to know and love over the years.
So, in closing: (Willie Nelstone hat and wig.) Mama’s don’t let your cowboys grow up to be cowgirls!
Pastor: You’re so mature! That was rich! It pretty well nailed it, though, didn’t it.
I’m glad I don’t have to do anything after that except introduce some testimonies… what’s that? Slideshow?! Where’s my schedule? OH! Slideshow’s next! (Grabs coffee and sits)